blah blah blah

danielle made the astute observation that this will be our first birthday year alone, ever. i proclaim this to be teh sux.

besides that its on a tuesday, i doubt that ill even do anything. last year i went up to sf to see her and then planned that dinner at buca, the year before was the big 2-1 so we planned a big party, etc.... but i dont really want to plan something again, let alone be by myself. instead i will commence with the moping. i cant even mail her anything awesome cause apparently the mail system there is kind of sporadic, so its not worth it to risk sending anything of value. i DID get a sweet card, but, yeah. whoopie.


and now, i return to watching NASCAR with my mom against my will. i veto mother's day.

bang smash crash.

oh yeah. guess i forgot to share with most people the part where i smashed in my car.




the hood is open so this is kind of a weird photo, but its all i got. i rear-ended some guy while working a couple weeks ago, who saw fit to make a complete stop on a main road before turning into a little dirt turn off that i didnt even know was there (lest he bump his lifted truck while turning in, of course). i was going slow enough where his truck was completely undamaged, and lucky enough to hit the one soft corner of my car that smashed up the hood and damaged some insides instead of just dinging the bumper. excellent. but the guy was super cool ("man, ive just been so unlucky lately, i got a dui last week and now this." uum.... pretty sure a dui doesn't constitute as bad luck), as were the cops that happened to show up right then, and i decided to leave him out of the insurance mess since his car was undamaged and just told them my car stalled and i rolled down into a telephone pole.

$3000 in parts and labor later, i SHOULD only have to pay my $300 deductible. for this, i am very, very, very thankful for the fine people at Kearny Mesa Toyota for making me upgrade my insurance from the bare bones when i got this car, cause otherwise, id be pretty effed right now.

but the last couple weeks have been an awesome adventure of calling insurance, calling the body shop, calling insurance, calling the body shop, etc. i dont understand why they dont just call EACHOTHER. its "yeah, your car will be done by X day," then "oh, we didnt get X paperwork from your insurance," then calling the insurance and leaving messages and not talking to anyone, then calling the bodyshop back, then "oh yeah, we should be able to finish up by X day," rinse and repeat. i spent last week with this beautiful beast, but foolishly turned it in on friday with the word that my car would be completed by said friday and I could pick it up after my weekend vacation. Call up monday evening to find that they haven't even started on the internal damage, and end up going back to enterprise to pick myself up this blazin' babemobile, the only car left on the lot.

one of the esurance people called me this morning to do an opinion survey on my appraiser, see if he was "doing his job", if he "explained everything to me", etc. I replied, "oh, you mean the guy I've never met or even spoken to? I don't think I can really answer that question." She replied, "actually.... I can.... use that...". She also looked up some info for me and supposedly, the paperwork they need to get started on the internal stuff has gone through and theyre reviewing it today. in theory, I might have my car back before the new year.


In other news, I went out to Phoenix this weekend with Michael to catch a Diamondbacks game and enjoy other desertly delights. Unfortunately, we didn't realize that Phoenix, in fact, holds -30 desertly delights. Chase Field was awesome, even in spite of the Padres' crushing loss (which, aren't we really used to by this point?), and we spent the majority of our weekend watching movies in the fancy hotel room Serg set up for us.

The other bonus from the weekend was that, despite what Priceline or Orbitz or whatever shit we looked might have you believe, our hotel was not 8 miles, but rather, many, many miles from both airport and ballpark. The taxi ride from the airport to the hotel was a delicious $45, and the hotel matron estimated our ride to the ballpark to be $60 EACH WAY. We ended up renting a car for Saturday, but in order to avoid paying for 2 full days by just keeping for 28 instead of 24 hours on Sunday, we had to turn it in by 4:00pm. In addition to our flight being delayed almost an hour, this meant spending 6 HOURS waiting at the airport on Sunday. remind me to never again try anything fun or different that i haven't already done.


except europe. that was the shit.

wedding!

first and foremost, i'm too young for this shit. i was expecting to start attending the weddings of my peers in like, my mid-twenties. LATE twenties, even? what's up with this 22 years old crap?

i digress. A couple of my high school friends got married over the weekend. this entailed a trip to the desert for a very lovely (and conveniently short) ceremony, followed by a drive out to Yucca Valley to visit Pappy & Harriet's, an old west type bar in the pioneertown region of an already small, sparse, desert town. They pour your drinks into old jam jars and the only non-wedding guests are usually bikers. SERIOUSLY.


an amusing tidbit was, just before the ceremony, a couple girls sitting behind me (who obviously don't know how to whisper but still think they are?) were talking to eachother. One says, "oh my god, does she have tattoos on her WRISTS? those are OBVIOUSLY just for show", among other things that were evidently shit talking but didnt make that much sense, and their incessant giggling at their own witticisms. At one point i turned around to look at them, and realized that the shit-talker was, in fact, my babysitter from some years prior. A little bit later a friend seated next to me said something to me, and upon hearing my name, the girl behind her "whispers", "what did she just say? did she just say don-et?" (what she always used to call me). this is followed by several more minutes of her very blatantly peering around the side of my friend trying to get a look at my face. A short time later, my friend and groom comes by to say hi to people, and she calls him over to loudly whisper, "What's that girls name? in the red polka dot dress?" after a pause i'm summoned, "Danette!" i turned to look at her and get an, "oh my gaawwwdd! how ARE you! do you remember me? how's your mom!" and other similar drivel.



but at least, as my friend's boyfriend seated next to me helpfully pointed out, she's still fat.

According to girl rules and guy standards, that means I win.




in other news, i only have to work two days this week! tuesday night after work i'll be completing the northward drive up to LA, to meet up with my sister, Nancy and Patty for a late dinner. Wednesday afternoon we'll come back down and spend Danielle's last night in the states in SD, most likely getting drunk somewhere in the Old Town region. Thursday late morning it's goodbyes at the airport, followed by the immediate gogogogo drive up to SF with kurt. the weekend through my flight home late sunday will (most likely) consister of a Giants game on saturday, family meet and greets, and excessive amounts of alcohol.

For Travis

urbandictionary, not wikipedia. i.e. less credible


http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=foursome

Four people engaged in sex acts at the same time. When three of the four are of the same gender, you have a gangbang. If you have two couples (two men, two women), it´s also named as round bed.

My Place in a Changing World

i had a number of moronic, ho-bag-esque teachers growing up. One of the classics was Mrs. Qualls ("Call me Paula"), who taught my 11th grade AP English class. This is the teacher who gave us practice AP exams as midterms, and then opted to grade them literally (so that a 50% was an F, when it was actually a 3, or passing, on an AP Exam). This fine gal could be caught saying such gems as, "Hanukkah is not a religious holiday, because the Jews don't believe in Jesus."

She used to assign completely asinine homework to us, and it became ritual to find any way to turn it into as much of a joke as possible while still getting full credit (or even better, while somehow CONVINCING HER that is was QUALITY). The following is my pride and joy from that year, which I thought was lost forever, but Danielle recently uncovered while sorting through some old folders. Also, i got an A+ on it.

My Place in a Changing World

I am a strong believer in equality and fairness. I think that everyone should be judged by their efforts, accomplishments, and moral character, instead of by the wealth or prosperity that is bestowed upon them. This is why I believe my place in a changing world is to establish a new world order, in which mimes will be the primary rulers. In a world where everyone is externally identical, physical differences do not hinder people or lower their self-worth.

Mimes are the perfect symbol of equality; they are identical in all of the insignificant ways that would have petty relevance in our society. Their standard uniform of black and white erases the color lines between nations, while their language of strictly sign and silence unites all cultures through communication. If all people of the world lived under a strict mime code, I believe our nations would be truly united.

Though mimery would, in some respects, hinder the outer uniqueness of the public, it would also promote the more consequential aspects of a person's individuality. When your importance is not measured by your language or your dress, you are forced to pursue other activities to show your worth. Being so alike to others in material aspects would inspire people to work hard and become developed experts in their particular field, therefore forcing people to focus on their inner achievements rather than their outer beauty.

My personal philosophy is that all people are equal, yet can prove their individuality if given the opportunity. When external irrelevancies are removed, as in a world of mimes, it is up to every citizen to demonstrate their own moral fiber and intelligence through their actions instead of their appearance. If my place to create a new world order ruled by mimes is wrong, then I don't know what's right.

you can take it how you want to (as long as it's like a man).

fascination! indignation.
adoration! equivocation.
consecration! condemnation.


an extraordinary testament to truth and beauty in these troubling times!
but i only learned to breathe underwater out of spite
(or maybe even to get away,
settle below the surface like a stone)

pure, whole, true! a pillar! a dream!
you declared it even as i lost myself to ocean and earth,
words coming smooth and easy like glass

even though you couldnt know it for all the water in your eyes;

even though you weren't altogether sure what you were looking at.

Best Work Conversation Ever

Me:

" ive got my own theories, but which comes first: zombie apocalypse or tyrannical robocracy?

discuss"



Kurt:

"Oh man, the question for our generation. I say tyrannical robot overlords will dominate sooner than zombies because any sort of pandemic pathogen will likely just kill us entirely as opposed to make us crazy nuts.

Besides, zombies can’t control our nukes, like the robots can. If the zombies really threaten humanity, someone will be around to press a few big red buttons and herd the rest of the humans onto some space shuttles.

You also have to examine what would happen if the two occurred within the same timeframe and had to compete with one another. Robots won’t put up with that shit if they have to fight the zombies. What will zombies eat if the robots kill off sarah conner and neo and everyone else? Zombies no likey steel..

Synopsis:

robots = real gangsta’s

zombies = pussy eatin’, cocksuckin’ pranksta’s"


Me:

" nice. my theory was similar in the robot-kicking-zombie-ass parts, excepting that i determined zombies would come first, either through the gall of our scientific experimentation or as a result of some freak mutation due to all our nuclear testing, and that (having not learned from our mistakes) we would hide in our various underground barricades and build robots to fight them off, but that the robots would (duh) become our intellectual superiors and enslave us after destroying all the zombies. whoops

i love this conversation"



Kurt:


"Mmmm I like the robots designed to kill the zombies turning on humans aspect. That’s delicious."